just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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