ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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