just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
