my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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