Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
