We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
