her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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