Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
