I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
