This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like a drive thru vagina
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize