5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
