hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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