So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
