she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
