he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize