Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude i'm inner monologue high
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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