So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize