There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
