she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize