if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm jealous of your bromance
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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