I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
