i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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