i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
