If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
