on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
