Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
