True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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