I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I understand Curling. That high.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
