im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
