thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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