he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
