Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
