I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
