Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
