Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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