she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
