shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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