If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to sanitize my soul.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize