jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
