So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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