I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
