Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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