laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
