the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize