Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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