At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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