Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.

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(407): View more from Florida

i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem

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(817): View more from Texas

I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.

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(518): View more from New York

Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?

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(216): View more from Ohio

Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I have a broken liver

(1-575): View more from New Mexico

I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?

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(206): View more from Washington

you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?

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