u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
