nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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