My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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