My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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