I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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