thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The uberlube is also flammable
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
