Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
