I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
