watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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