Umm I'm too high to move.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
