genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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