Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
