and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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