His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
