We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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