he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize