I hope mine doesn't look like that
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize