i think my tv is drunk
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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