Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
