So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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