I got chris browned last night
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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