You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
