I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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