did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
