So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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