Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
